10 Steps to Rescue Your Relationship from Break-Up

♥ Communicate: Communication is the key to survival and when things become tense between you, regular communication just does not cut it! In relationship it is essential to be a communication expert! You will need to hone up your communication skills and gain specialist communication skills. Brush up on the “I” statements, active listening skills, reflection and clarification of what you think the other person is conveying. Allow for correction, because, especially when things are difficult, we can misinterpret easily and add fuel to the fire.

♥ Resist Making Accusations: When we fire accusation at another person we are holding up a signpost about ourselves. The sign reads, “I am critical, judgmental, and annoyed!” Much better to think about what you need to make life good for you and find a way to ask for that. Think, “What is one thing this person can do to help me with this difficulty that I am experiencing?” and “How can I ask for that from a space of love and care?”

♥ Take time to say “I Love You” and this is why I do. “I love the way you wear your hair,” or “I love you in that dress,” speaks volumes and lets tho other person know what you like and how to support you. If you want love, be love. Most people are happy to reflect love back at you, and you feel loving giving it! Double payoff! Bonus!

♥ Pinpoint the Problem and do something about it. Most often couples are defending two or more separate issues and neither of them are working on the same issue. Learning conflict resolution skills can help you to identify problems, list them down, rate them and decide which issues to tackle first. It’s a good idea to go for the easy to resolve issues first, then when you have a few successes under your belt, tackle one of the more challenging ones with your enhanced skills. List the possible solutions and rate them from each of you as to their likelihood of success and the degree of comfort you have in carrying them out. Add your values together to discover the relationship vote. There is a higher chance these options will succeed.

♥ Be Patient – Healing and Change takes time and practice. When we want change, we want new habits. New habits, like learning to drive a car, take time, coaching, rehearsal, and repetition to lock them in place. Try not to be disappointed when an old habit sneaks back in, this just means the new habit is not secure yet and needs more practice. Give the gift of time and remember habits that are rewarded will lock in place faster and give better lasting positive change. Old habits that are criticized will become reinforced through the focus on them and become harder to shift.

♥ Stop Obsessing Over Negative Thoughts. Negative thinking disconnects us from our emotions of love and connection. Nothing is more destructive. You have the power over your emotions, and your choice of thoughts will determine whether your love is flowing or not. Catch negative thinking early and nip it in the bud! Rule No.1 “I choose to think ONLY loving thoughts. Rule No.2 “if I am not thinking ONLY loving thoughts, see Rule No.1” You do not have to stay on the negative subject, There is no law that says you have to respond to it or even allow it to stay in your mind. Let it go and REPLACE IT with thoughts of love and connection.

♥ Make a decision that you want to stay in the relationship and convey that. Realize how important relationships are and make yourself a list of the important things to reflect on often. Put the list where you and your partner can see it, and reward each other every time you see the important things being demonstrated. Be a love observer, not a love seeker. Look out for the strengths and positives in your life and your relationship.

♥ Use Honesty. Honesty builds trust, and trust can only exist where there is love. Conversely, love can only exist where there is trust. Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more trust gets chipped away. You are better off coping the flack when you make a mistake than you are being caught in a lie. Be open about your feelings and express them with love.

♥ Make Time. Be available to spend time and be present when there is a real need. Get to know your partner’s language of love and learn how to speak it. Physical touch, acts of service, giving quality time, a heartfelt gift, and words of loving affirmation can change your world and theirs too.

♥ Know when to quit – you can always get back together later. Staying in an abusive relationship is destructive to you and to your partner. When things become abusive it is time to take space because repair is going to take time and professional skilled support. At times of abuse, a trial separation needs to be negotiated and put in place until safety and love can be restored and enhanced communication and conflict resolution skills can be put in place, and be locked in! 

This is a time to seek the help of a professional and experienced counsellor, and also enlist the support of your family and friends towards healing the relationship. Divide and conquer rather than separate and destroy is the motto here. 

Know that you are a loving, caring individual and that you deserve the best of care.