Buckminster Fuller said, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete,” and he was right. Most people spend their entire lives trying to change things that exist rather than discarding them and creating something new.

When it comes down to it, the only reality that you have the power to change when it comes to interpersonal relationships is yourself. You can not change her, or make her do or be something that she does not value, but you can change yourself.

Old habits are locked in and happen so fast, it’s like we are on automatic pilot most of the time.

One minute we are cruising along ok, then BAM! What happened? How do we change old destructive habits? We are all born with the same amazing energy inside of us, but how do we stay in touch with that magnetism?

It’s all about changing our habitual responses to ourselves and to others.

Pick up a pen and paper, write your name down…. Now swap the pen to the other hand and write your name again. Did you get the same result? How long and how much practice will you need to learn the new habit of writing with the other hand to develop it to such an extent that it will be automatic? Creating new habits takes focus, concentration, awareness, practice, repetition, determination and persistence.

What are the new habits that you need to create in order to flow with the magnetism that attracted your girlfriend/wife in the first place?

Here is an acronym that I found helpful in evaluating my habits and bringing personal correction: 

“Stay on TRACK.”

Trust

Respect

Acceptance

Caring

Kindness

Ensure that all of your responses to the person that you love flow from this space at all times. Burn this acronym into your mind, place it on a card in your wallet, pin it to the dashboard of the car, practice this until it becomes background music to your life.

Encapsulate your life in the frame of:

Rule No.1 “There is only love.” 

Rule No.2 “If there is not love, see Rule No. 1”

Applying this rule helps you to see spaces of distance and discomfort as calls for help to get to a space of love. 

In every response ask yourself, “What is her call for help?”

Here are a series of questions that start to create some new habits that have the power to change your life:

Ask yourself, “Do I want the problem or the solution?” 

It’s a bit of a “no brainer” really. Next, remind yourself that the solution comes from love always, the problem comes from fear.

Then ask yourself, “What would love do now?” or “How would love respond to this?” then wait patiently for your mind to work it out and provide the answer. 

Remember to respond from love only, always, and stay on TRACK. Vibrating with a loving energy is magnetism, and if she is the right girl for you that energetic connection will re ignite and prosper once fear is out of the way and she can see that you can stay on TRACK!

Be the love that you are.

Both you and your ex-girlfriend/wife are either in a space of expressing love, or calling for help to get to a space of expressing love” all the time. (A Course in Miracles).