How Can I Stop Blaming People When I Am Angry?

♥ “When I hurtful thoughts I feel hurt (emotion) I get angry (action)”

♥ “When I have sad thoughts I feel sad (emotion) I get angry (action)”

♥ “When I feel hurt, I choose anger.”

Anger is a symptom, a reaction to your discomfort, not the cause of your discomfort.

How is the choice of anger helping me?

It is not helpful! 

Choosing anger creates discomfort within you, distances people you care about, and gives rise to thoughts of blame, judgement, and later on, guilt and remorse. 

When you feel discomfort from the anger, your mind plays tricks on you, and begins to blame others for your choice in feelings, “He/she makes me feel mad!” 

This gives the power of self control away and hands that power to others, leaving you feeling less love.This is not powerful, this is powerless! 

Here is the key:

♥ As I am not at peace, I must have decided against peace.

♥ I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.

♥ I will to decide otherwise because I want peace.

♥ I do not feel guilty because the spirit of Love will undo all the consequences of my averse decision if I will allow it.

♥ I will to allow it, by allowing myself to decide for the spirit of Love within me.

♥ What would Love do now… for me and for others?

Make this a mantra and repeat it regularly every day until it is deeply memorized and starts to become automatic.

This key requires a process of emotional regulation skills:

AVOID THE BLAME GAME – “STOP, LOOK, LISTEN”

Step 1 – Notice that my emotions are becoming uncomfortable. (Red flag – Remember the mantra above)

Step 2 – Stop, take an imagined step back, and take some slow deep breaths. (the sooner you catch the reaction the easier it is to retake control) Perhaps go for a short walk, saying, “I’ll be back in a tic to continue exploring this.”

Step 3 – Look within, and ask inspiration to guide from a space of love and support. (Ask, “What would be helpful here?)

Step 4 – Respond rather than react, from this calm and supportive space.

Step 5 – Enjoy having more peace, love, and harmonic solutions in your life.

When you become skilled at recognizing the emotion under your frustration and anger within yourself, you will become skilled at recognizing the emotions that may be fueling your partner’s frustration and anger. 

Then you will be able to teach them how to take control of their choices and moderate their emotions by modelling these five steps.

If the emotion you are feeling is less love, what do you need? If your partner is feeling the emotion of less love what do they need?

It is a no-brainer once you get your head around it. “The only appropriate response is compassion.” (Quote: A Course in Miracles)