How to Increase Caring Actions in Your Relationship

Successful couples keep their relationships rewarding both by maintaining existing caring behaviours and by initiating new ones. They also enhance their relationships in other ways: for instance, by livening up sex and developing common interests. 

Exchanging a high number of caring actions both prevents and contains conflicts: preventing them because happy people are less likely to pick unnecessary fights, and containing them by creating goodwill.

Increasing the exchange of caring actions can be viewed in six steps:

♥ Become aware of the importance of exchanging caring actions.

♥ Acknowledge existing caring actions, make a list.

♥ Make a wish list for additional caring actions.

♥ Agree upon willingness lists.

♥ Implement your agreement.

♥ Review progress and make further agreements.

Complete the following exercise:

Fill in your care wishes and ask your partner to fill in their care wishes. 

Evaluate your willingness to provide each wish – 

(1) Definitely not my scene, 

(2) Not very willing, 

(3) unsure, 

(4) I might enjoy doing this, 

(5) I’m in there!

NOW DO IT!

Implement your ‘most willing to do’s (4 and 5 on your list) making sure you do them and keep adding to your list. 

As your list gets bigger, and you may feel pressured, remember that intermittent reinforcement increases behaviour and locks it in – vary your caring actions each week and remember to appreciate and validate each other’s caring efforts.